The Meteoric, Not-So-Hillbilly Ascendancy of J.D. Vance
Once upon a time, before the world knew the wonders of Trump’s tweets and Truth Social musings, J.D. Vance was merely a guy unloading his life story, “Hillbilly Elegy,” onto those who read books—and boy, did that go viral. Just like cat videos, but with more Appalachia and less cuteness. Fast forward, and now he’s the sparkling new VP pick for Donald Trump. Because, why bring new faces into the mix when you can recycle the fame from 2016?
At the ripe age of 39, after a whopping year and a half in the Senate—practically a political toddler—Vance has been called up to the big leagues by Trump on, you guessed it, Truth Social. Because nothing says “official announcement” like doing it on your own social media platform.
From Memoir to Major Motion Picture to…VP Nomination?
Let’s rewind to 2016. Vance drops “Hillbilly Elegy,” giving America a peek into the lives of those who felt the system forgot them, conveniently right as Trump was wooing these very folks with promises and baseball caps. It’s like they say, timing is everything! Vance’s book magically becomes the cheat sheet to understand the “forgotten America” that aligned with Trump. Perhaps not so magical, because nothing sells like a narrative of struggle before triumph—or a foreword by Trump.
As Trump puts it in his VP announcement (craftily using the promotional powers of Truth Social), Vance is a tech and finance whiz turned everyday American advocate, all “strongly focused” on workers and farmers across key states. You know, just your regular Joe, or rather, regular J.D., who happened to turn a bestseller into a senatorial seat.
Election Integrity, Vance-Style
In the “say what now?” category, Vance has stated he wouldn’t have let something as trifling as confirmed electoral votes stop him from questioning the validity of the 2020 election if he had been VP. Where’s the fun in democracy if you can’t keep everyone guessing, right? He suggested that multiple slates of electors should be a thing because—who cares about a peaceful transfer of power? That’s so 2016.
Where Vance Stands: The Cliff Notes
On abortion, Vance pitches himself as pro-life but hints at leaving the states to fight over where they stand—because federal consistency is so last century. Regarding Ukraine, he’s not too keen on sending U.S. aid, suggesting instead that Ukraine might want to scale back its border ambitions, much to the delight of geopolitics enthusiasts everywhere.
Vance’s admiration for Hungary’s Viktor Orbán, particularly his university reforms (a.k.a. government takeovers), suggests that Vance might fancy a bit of authoritarian flair for America’s academic scene—because nothing says “freedom” like state control.
And let’s not forget rail safety. After the East Palestine disaster, the man became a train safety evangelist. Because nothing boosts a political profile like a good old-fashioned environmental crisis.
Just Your Everyday Post-Hillbilly
From a tumultuous childhood sans stability to a Yale Law degree and a stint in the U.S. Marine Corps thrown in for good measure, Vance’s story checks all the boxes for a politically heartwarming saga—from poverty to power, with a side order of Ivy League credentials.
With his lawyer wife by his side (you know, the one who clerked for Supreme Court Justices), Vance is living proof that in America, you can write a memoir, criticize the elite, join them, and then potentially help run the country.
All this, folks, because every once in a while, America loves a good “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” story, even if those boots are now designer-made and Senate-approved. Here’s to the next chapter in the hillbilly-turned-VP saga of J.D. Vance. Pass the popcorn, this political cycle’s going to be a blockbuster!